


Did She Just Say

by banbanabas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Edeleth, F/F, Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), oblivious byleth, this is a shitpost and i do not apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21537190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banbanabas/pseuds/banbanabas
Summary: The Professor uses a word to describe Edelgard's crown that she really does not appreciate.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 14
Kudos: 407





	Did She Just Say

Edelgard hasn’t had a free moment for a very long time - not for five years, in fact. She takes breaks from war strategy to deal with trade issues, and she takes breaks from trade issues to train with the Strike Force. She makes time for meals, boosting the troops’ morale, and occasionally for sleep.

But something changes in her when the Professor returns. Suddenly, her life feels more manageable. The Strike Force is in high spirits. _She’s_ in high spirits. She throws a celebration for the whole Imperial army, in the Professor’s honor, because they see her as a very powerful ally (as they should).

And when the Professor invites her to tea for the first time in five years... well, she manages to carve out some time.

“It’s wonderful to be here with you again,” Edelgard says to the Professor, who sits across from her at one of the small courtyard tables. Edelgard takes her first sip – bergamot. She feels a warmth in her chest that isn’t just from the tea. “It’s been ages. Quite literally.”

The Professor laughs, shrugging. “I suppose it has. You know better than I do.” She plucks a blueberry scone from their modest pile of pastries. There isn’t much room in a wartime budget for sweets. “To me, it feels like we were storming Garreg Mach just yesterday.”

Edelgard feels her shoulders sag. “Yes... and to me, it feels like it’s been a hundred years since then,” she says softly. She can’t stop her mind from straying to the countless battles, the soldiers fighting for their lives, bleeding and dying for the future she promised them—

“It’s good to be back,” the Professor says, muffled past a mouthful of crumbs, which are also all over the front of her shirt.

Edelgard can’t help but laugh, covering her mouth with one hand out of habit. The Professor always had a knack for pulling her thoughts out of the darkness. “How have you been settling in, Professor? Is your old room suitable? I made sure it was thoroughly cleaned before you moved back in, but...”

The Professor nods. “It’s good. Everything was right where I left it, which was nice,” she says, and her eyes glaze over for a second. She must have a lot on her mind, too. “But I noticed your dormitory room is unoccupied.”

“Oh? I forgot to tell you,” Edelgard says, and she grins deviously, “I moved my sleeping quarters to the Archbishop’s room.”

The Professor’s eyes widen, a smile curling onto her lips. “You’re kidding.”

Edelgard isn’t one for gossip, but she _is_ one to cling to victory. She describes the Archbishop’s room in painstaking detail, and the Professor listens and laughs, and everything after that feels so easy and familiar that Edelgard loses herself in it. Before she knows it, the sun has dipped low in the sky.

“Oh, dear,” Edelgard says, interrupting whatever train of thought she’d been on. “It’s almost evening, Professor. I’m afraid I’ve kept you too long.”

The Professor shakes her head, smiling, her eyes crinkling at the edges. “Never too long. As long as I haven’t taken up _your_ time. Is Hubert on his way to have my head?”

Edelgard grins. “If I was needed somewhere, he would have fetched me by now. Though I should probably get back before he does come looking for me.”

“All right. Thank you for joining me today, Edelgard,” Byleth says, and she stands to begin clearing the table. But then she hesitates, looking Edelgard in the eye. “Oh, by the way, I wanted to tell you. The crown looks great on you.”

At that, Edelgard can’t help but blush. She lifts her cup to her lips one last time to mask the red in her cheeks. “Ah, hah, why, thank you, Professor,” she says shakily, and she takes a sip of her now-lukewarm tea.

The Professor raises her hands to her temples and points both index fingers upward, miming the golden prongs atop Edelgard’s head. “The horns are nice. They’re very... horny.”

Edelgard chokes on her tea.

She sputters, turning away from the table to cough up whatever liquid had entered her airway. _What did she just say?_ _Horny?!_

“Edelgard!” The Professor is beside her in a flash, kneeling next to her and patting her back roughly. “Are you all right? Edelgard?”

It takes another minute for her to stop wheezing, and she turns, eyes watering, red-faced not just from her coughing, to face the Professor.

Her Professor stares back earnestly. Innocently. As if she has no idea that she may have said something inappropriate. “Edelgard?” she says, and her brows are creased with worry.

Edelgard realizes, then, that the Professor has no idea what the word “horny” means, and Edelgard will be damned before she’s the one to explain it to her.

“I’m fine, Professor,” she manages to say. She averts her eyes, clears her throat. “Just swallowed the wrong way. Concern isn’t necessary.” She is suddenly hyper-aware of the Professor’s hand at her back, remaining there after her attempts to help Edelgard through her coughing fit. Somehow, the blush on Edelgard’s cheeks grows hotter. “I’m all right, really.”

The Professor doesn’t look convinced, but she nods. “Okay.” She pats Edelgard on the shoulder before standing. “Please be careful, Edelgard.”

“I will,” Edelgard says. She stands quickly, braces herself, and turns to face the Professor. “Thank you for the tea. I hope to do this with you again soon,” she says, and she means it, despite... what just occurred.

The Professor’s expression softens a bit. “As soon as we can.”

Edelgard nods, and she leaves, and she swears to herself that she will erase all memory of her Professor saying the word “horny.”

///

Edelgard cannot erase the memory of her Professor saying the word “horny.”

She paces about the monastery’s second floor because, for all her usual poise and discipline, she can’t get anything done. She’s tried paperwork, practicing a formal address to the army, even organizing the files on her desk, but she keeps seeing the tips of her crown in her peripheral vision, and... Well. Her mind wanders.

Which is extremely abnormal for her.

Edelgard sighs, frustrated, and stops in front of a window. The sun has long since set, so all she can see is her own reflection upon the glass, flickering in the hallway’s candlelight.

“Get it together, Edelgard,” she mutters to herself, but she’s already blushing at the sight of her crown. It was supposed to be a sign of power, resilience, and leadership. Not... the adjective the Professor had used to describe it before. She traces one of the horns with a finger. Then she imagines it’s her Professor’s finger on her crown, her Professor standing with her face close to Edelgard’s, and she grips the horn to hold Edelgard steady while she leans in to press their lips together—

“Edie?” says a voice to her left.

She yelps, her hand jerking away from her crown like it’s burned her, and she turns quickly to find— “Dorothea!” she says, thanking her lucky stars it isn’t the Professor. “You surprised me. I didn’t hear you coming.”

Dorothea looks puzzled. “You didn’t? I thought these hallways carried sound like no one’s business,” she says, glancing down at the stone floor. Her gaze moves back up to Edelgard, and she shoots her a concerned look. “Are you all right, Edie? Looks like you have a lot on your mind.”

Edelgard opens her mouth to object, but she hesitates. She hasn’t been able to focus all evening. Perhaps it would help to divulge the whole ridiculous story to someone else. (Well, the whole story, minus the imagined kiss. She doesn’t want to think about that right now.)

She heaves a sigh, and she says, “Dorothea, I am about to tell you something that you _must_ promise to keep secret.”

Now Dorothea looks alarmed. “Oh? Okay, I’m all ears,” she responds carefully, brows raised.

Edelgard sweeps past her in the hallway and peers into the library. It’s empty.

“Edie? What are you—”

“Come in here,” Edelgard says, and she waves Dorothea in and shuts the door behind them.

Dorothea stays a few steps away, hands raised in front of her in confusion. “What is going on?”

Edelgard crosses her arms over her chest. Then she puts a hand over her face. “This is very difficult for me to explain. It is... embarrassing.”

Dorothea makes an interested noise. “The Emperor, embarrassed? I’m listening.”

“ _Dorothea_.”

“Okay, I won’t tease. Well, not too much. Just don’t keep me in suspense any longer!”

Edelgard groans against her hand, tilts her head to the ceiling, and tells her about the afternoon tea, their conversation, the Professor complimenting her crown.

Dorothea gives her another puzzled look. “Edelgard, I fail to see how any of this is embarrassing.”

“Just let me... She didn’t just say she liked the crown. She...” Edelgard feels her cheeks turning red again. She finally says, as quietly as possible with Dorothea still able to hear, “She specifically said that the horns looked... ‘horny.’”

Dorothea’s mouth drops open. “She said _what?_ ”

“You heard me! I am not saying it again!” Edelgard hisses, dropping her face into both hands. “She must have no idea what it means! Goddess, she said that and I nearly choked on my tea.”

And then Dorothea bursts into laughter, doubling over, one hand gripping a bookshelf to keep her from falling over. Edelgard hushes her, but Dorothea can’t seem to stop, and she slides down to the floor, tears in her eyes.

“This is _not_ funny, Dorothea!” Edelgard says, and she resists the urge to stomp like a petulant child.

“Edie,” Dorothea says, her voice still giggly, “this is _hilarious_.”

“It is not!” Edelgard all but shouts. “What if she describes my crown as horny to someone else? I do not want to be associated with that word in any capacity!”

Dorothea laughs even harder at that. Edelgard glares at her, arms crossed, until Dorothea finally quiets down enough to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Are you finished?” Edelgard says.

“Maybe,” she responds lightly, getting to her feet. “Sorry for laughing. But you have to admit this is a little funny.”

Edelgard shakes her head. “I might find this funny in a few weeks, but not right now, when... Oh, what if she’s said it to someone else already?” She leans against one of the bookshelves, distraught.

“I suppose it would be bad if word got around and people started calling you the Horny Emperor.”

Edelgard shoots her a glare.

“Sorry,” Dorothea says again, but she’s still grinning. “Is there anything I can do to help? Would you like me to spread a counter-rumor that Emperor Edelgard is the least horny person in Garreg Mach?”

It is very difficult for Edelgard not to threaten her with violence. “I already regret talking to you about this.”

Dorothea snickers. “Seriously, though, can I help? Would you like me to, er... explain to her what that word means? So she definitely won’t use it anymore?”

Edelgard perks up. “You would have that conversation with her?”

“Well, _someone_ has to, and it sounds like it isn’t going to be you,” Dorothea says. “I might tease you, Edie, but I don’t like to see you stressed any more than you already are.” She winks at her. “Consider this my apology for giving you a hard time.”

She mulls it over. It would certainly cease her worry that the Professor’s verbal misunderstanding would spread around. Edelgard sighs. “I would appreciate that very much, Dorothea.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of that tomorrow,” Dorothea says, and she smiles warmly. “Thank you for confiding in me, Edie.”

“Thank you for your help, Dorothea. And again, please don’t tell anyone else what I just told you,” Edelgard says, feeling suddenly vulnerable.

Dorothea nods. “It stays between us. And the Professor, I suppose,” she says with a little laugh. Edelgard flushes again, which Dorothea must have noticed because she grins a little wider. “Don’t worry, Edie, this will all work out. Try not to get too _worked up_ about it, okay?” she says with a devious look.

With that, Dorothea quickly bids her good night and leaves the library. Edelgard stays stock still as she processes her words. What had she meant...? _Worked up._ The double meaning dawns on her, and Edelgard rushes out the door, fuming. “ _Dorothea!_ ” she shouts.

But she’s already down the hall, her presence remaining only in the sound of her distant, echoing laughter.

///

The next day, the Professor shows up at her office, and Edelgard immediately feels off-kilter.

She greets her at the door. “Hello, Professor, come in,” she says in her most professional voice. “Feel free to sit.”

“I don’t think I need to sit, actually,” she responds, and her expression is strangely... apologetic. Edelgard feels a weight in her throat. “This shouldn’t take long.”

“Oh?” Edelgard says, closing the door swiftly. “Is something the matter?”

The Professor presses her lips into a thin line. “I just spoke to Dorothea. She told me that you two had a conversation about something I said.”

Edelgard blanches. “Ahem. Well, yes, that did happen. I’m sorry for talking about you without your knowledge—”

“No, don’t apologize,” the Professor interrupts. “She said that I told you something improper yesterday. I should be the one apologizing to you.”

Somehow, Edelgard manages to meet her gaze. “Ah.”

“I’m sorry I used the word ‘horny’ about your crown,” she deadpans, leaving Edelgard to make a strangled noise. “I didn’t realize that word had a different meaning.”

Edelgard does her best to maintain composure. “It’s all right, Professor. I figured you didn’t mean it in that way.”

“Still,” the Professor says. “I shouldn’t have said it. I was trying to say that your crown looked good on you, not that it was sexually aroused.”

Edelgard blinks. Her cheeks are certainly flushed, but she can’t even think about that. She is too preoccupied with staring at the wall, asking herself what she has done in her life to deserve this. (She thinks of a few things, but none deserve a punishment quite this harsh.) Finally, Edelgard shakes herself back to reality, and she strings enough words together to say, “I... understand. Thank you, Professor.”

The Professor nods, seemingly satisfied. “Okay.”

They’re both silent for a moment, and Edelgard feels like she’s about to explode from the tension. “Is... is that all?” Edelgard asks.

“Yes. That’s all I wanted to talk about.”

Edelgard hums a noise of agreement. “All right,” she says, intent on changing the subject, “Well, I believe we have a meeting this afternoon on our plans to take the Alliance. Will you be attending?”

“Of course.”

“Wonderful,” Edelgard says. “Then I’ll see you then.”

The Professor thankfully takes her cue to leave, and Edelgard closes the door. She walks to her desk. She sits. And she lowers her head onto the wooden surface, her horns hitting it with a heavy _thunk_.

“This woman is going to be the death of me.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this! i'm at @sporeprise on twitter if you're interested in my other edeleth mini-fics/rambling.
> 
> this might turn into a collection of one-shots, so stay tuned!
> 
> have a nice day :3


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